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you do not have to fucking pay for press coverage

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I was reading through my Pando archives today when I stumbled on a pair of stories I wrote in 2015 about a company offering to compensate us in exchange for coverage. (And then I plummeted into a pit of despair when I realized that it’s been nearly a decade since Pando and I parted ways. Fuck, I’m old.) After I called them out on it, they rescinded their offer, and said it was only made because they weren’t familiar with how public relations typically works. So I offered them a bit of free advice:

Still, this person asked for advice about public relations and journalism. So I think it’s only fair to say that referrals, promotions, sponsorships, and the like shouldn’t ever be offered to writers or editors. And if that wasn’t obvious, go ahead and hire a PR person.

(You know it’s bad when I’m advising someone to hire a PR person.)

Then, a few hours later, Brian Krebs tooted a link to some cryptocurrency bullshit scheme being owned by a group masquerading as some journalists. The CBC–I’m not going to waste my time pretending to care what they do, or why, or how they justify contributing to the massive ecological impact that cryptocurrency projects have in exchange for the ability to perpetuate their Ponzi schemes– said they were approached on Discord by folks who “offered to write a ‘free’ article about DS because of our recent game launch” and then they were hacked. (There’s also some boo-hoo bullshit about “nothing is free for crypto companies, lesson learned,” which I’d feel worse about if they weren’t a fucking crypto company.)

So here’s some more free advice:

You don’t have to pay respectable journalists to cover your product–or, in this case, your cryptocurrency bullshit scheme–and anyone claiming to be a journalist who approaches you about writing a “free” article is clearly trying to scam you. We are paid by the publications who employ us (what few of them continue to exist, anyway) or by people who subscribe to our newsletters / indie blogs / OnlyFans but for putting words in a row instead of clothes on the floor. Not by the subjects of our stories. That would be a massive conflict of interest that would make even the cubbiest of cub reporters uneasy.

Stop thinking you can buy coverage. Even if you’re right every once in a while (here’s the obligatory link to that TechCrunch dipshit who, it should be pointed out, was fired) you’re mostly going to be wrong. You’ll probably be blacklisted by the journalist you’re reaching out to, and anyone they warn about your attempts to purchase coverage, too. Just stop! Do something cool–that preferably doesn’t involve fucking up our planet for your non-fungible bullshit–and eventually someone will decide to write about you without ever bringing up payment.